Insightful Triad

Three things a man is

What he thinks he is

What others think he is

What he truly is 

     Beyond all gender here, I wanted to take a few moments to address this Triad for I think there is often a misplaced value in some of its meaning. I feel the beauty of this triad is that we will never know the answers to these questions. Who we truly are is always changing as we grow and experience new things. Yes, there is a core to the self, a root and a foundation to things like our personal moral code and basic philosophy of life. Our views and our perceptions are in constant flux like the seasons with each new season bringing and even forcing upon us changes. 

    What we think about ourselves isn't always the most accurate, but if we somehow knew what others thought of us in all honesty sparing no feelings, it could be used in conjunction with the other two to possibly give us a holistic idea of who we are. I might think that I am a very persuasive individual but others might take me as pushy and unwilling to meet them at their comfort level. This leads me to a very important focus of this triad. 

~ What do others think of us?

   All too often I hear things from Pagans like, 'Who cares what others think about me.' and 'It doesn't matter what others think about me, I will do what I want.' If we know anything about our Gaelic ancestors traditions we will know about their virtues, things like honor price, and the value of an individual that could be measured by monetary means, even if it was through cattle. 

   What others think about us is important. No? Ask yourself about the people you know and the judgements you have placed upon them. Why did you formulate those opinions of them? Was it how they come across, their language, perhaps the company they keep? We all pass judgements and weigh things everyday. How someone is dressed, their choice of music, makeup, even the people they associate with. Ones reputation & their name holds a price. 

    ~  Let me give you a very personal example about my life. I live in a town where my fathers family has been for over 100 years. My Grandfather and his two brothers after World War 2 became men associated with alcohol abuse. Back then in what was a small town everyone knew one another for the most part and people talked. My father born into this had 5 brothers and a sister. During the 50's many of his brothers were involved in a motorcycle gang. (I will leave the name of the gang out) They wore swastikas, were involved in violence and drugs. They made the paper several times and the surname took on a reputation. In the 50's this was also very much frowned upon in a small town. Given their fathers alcoholism it was seen as, "well... look at the father". My father was never involved in that lifestyle, but even in school it was, "which one is your father?" or "is your brother so-and-so?" Eventually my father became an alcoholic, drug abusing monster. He was physically abusive and my mother divorced him. My younger brother and I grew up without him - by my fathers own choice. Yet, I knew at any given time which of the 4 bars he was at; sitting right next to his brothers! My brother and I grew up the same way as my father did with, "which one is your father?" Now I'm a father to 3 boys and a girl and even now and then I still get the same questions. My brother has been in trouble since he was 10, and now that he's 32 with his own son, he still is in trouble with the law. His son is also a trouble maker. My children are in school & no doubt get asked by their teachers the same questions my father and I both were asked. Not long ago at a school event the Police were holding something for the school like fingerprints and id cards and my children's names tags were read by one of the officers and right in front of my wife he asks, "So, are you the good family or the bad family in town." How dare he. But honestly... look at the history, the reputation! 

   Do we judge people on an individual level? Do we stereotype them by their appearance like tattoos, piercings, and clothing? 

     What others think about us can matter. For an example you are looking to land a job, it's your dream job. Your employer has at their fingertips a means of looking up everything about you online. What does your online footprint say about you? Would it hold you back from this dream opportunity? A quick Google search and they have your Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Tumblr, Pintrest, Instagram, Amazon wish-list. Not to mention any/all public legal records. They can see how you are away from the professional world. What company you keep, how you dress, music you listen to, political and religious views, places you vacation, and so much more. 

   The point here is what does your 'online face' say about what others might think about you? Do you post all day long, do you you waste time and energy bitching and complaining? Do you share information, education, humor, and joy? Are you constantly ranting about things you can not change like other peoples faiths, political views, and even sexual preferences or diets. If you think that people do not judge you you're mistaken. If you think that their opinion of you doesn't matter, that is also a faulty use of critical thinking. The person you may not even know that knows of you only online has an ill formed and uneducated opinion of you because of what you share. They don't know that in real life 'off-line', you're not really like this. Too late, that person is so-&-sos brother, sister, cousin, nephew, etc and they told their family that they know you, and what type of person you are. No job! Use caution.

      It is not just online though. In daily life are you walking around in your own world, self consumed and selfish, or are you polite, personable, and hospitable? What of your appearance, your use of language, and even hygiene? Now, I'm not saying that everyone should be clean cut business professional; not the least! I love a well done woman in anything from steampunk to cybergoth. It's time and place. I am saying if you look like you are seeking attention, and are rude, use poor language you might as well hand them the rope because you basically strung yourself up at the gallows.

      An interesting way to look at this is through ancestor veneration. If we honor our ancestors, shouldn't we be a representative of them? We are after all a culmination of them, we are here because they survived war, famine, drought, plague, ice age and more. They survived, had children they loved and thats why we are here today. Wether or not your view of them is in a spiritual sense being with you on your lifes journey or simply as you should be healthy and strong because you owe that to them, I think honoring them by being the type of person they would want you to be. 

       Have you ever been in a formal situation where you required people to not only hear what you had to say and understand you, but also value and respect it? If so you might understand what I am talking about. 

      If what we think about ourselves is not an honest assessment, we are prone to see ourselves in ways that boost our egos or at least allow us peace from conflict in self doubt. Our self image is only part of the great equation. Others views of who we are are also one sided. How many of us can say that anyone really knows us fully? Do you put on airs, are you pretentious; do you interrupt conversations, take over conversations making them all about yourself? Are you a one upper, or have to have the last words? Perhaps you're socially awkward and too introverted and blend in. Do you say things that make others uncomfortable not respecting others boundries? Are you too rigid, or does your handshake feel like a dead fish? 

    This triad is beautiful because it forces us to think about ourselves in ways we often do not. What do I think I am? Am I really that or is there more. Am I being honest with myself or am I fantasizing about who I'd like to be instead? Who we want to be is not who we are. Maybe I am being fully honest with myself about all the positive and negative things I am aware of, even still; does this answer the question? How am I not myself? 

     We may also think upon the statement of, 'What do others think about me' in a more esoteric perspective. Energy, are there people you barely know formulating negative opinions of you sending negative thoughts out there attached to you. The subconscious is a strange thing. There could easily be people in your family or your close friends circle that have an opinion of you that if you knew of not only injury of insult would you take, but offense leading to sever the relationship would be pursued. 

     All of this from a Celtic Triad, for a people known for their ego, quick temper, and constant braggadocio. Masters of word and weapon we still aim to be, but please do give thought to your reputation and as someone told me long ago, "Go Gently little Wren." Hard words to accept, and even harder to apply. Still though, valuable information and something to always work towards. 

What do you think you are?

What/How do others think of you?

What/Who are you truly?

Think about it.

Only you can be the change you seek.